Monday, 20 September 2010


If your house remains filled with guests, if you always have to pay the restaurant bill when you go out for dinner with your friends, if your non refundable loans are getting piled up, if you can’t refuse others just because you feel you are bound by morals, ethics, duties etc…then I am sorry to say that you are a Non Assertive Individual!

Though you might be a master of variety of languages, you might have learnt how to talk but lacking assertion undoubtedly means that you lack communication skills. And I think it is a serious limitation which soon has to be taken care of. If you fail to control the way you act, then we can logically deduce that you have given up or we may say that you have surrendered, and now others would control you leading to what is known as “power vacuum”! And this power play has its spill over affects, which may adversely effect your interpersonal relationships too.

The basic problem of a non assertive person is his inability to say “No”. He would always “Yes” even if he wants to say “No”. He allows others to manipulate him, by remaining silent, giving the other person an impression that he agrees to what is being done. He feels that the rights of others are more important than his own rights. There is a hidden fear of disapproval by others. He knows what to do, but still there comes a mental block due to the fear of rejection. The poor creature has to smile even at a bad joke of others just to oblige them. The timid soul is thus pushed around time and again making him feel miserable afterwards.

He lacks the understanding to differentiate between assertiveness and aggressiveness. There is a constant confusion in his mind regarding the meaning of these two terms. He thinks being assertive is synonymous with being rude. This misconception prevents him from standing for his own rights. He often rationalizes for being non assertive.

To prevent yourself being labeled as such an individual, you need to express emotions and needs without infringing upon anybody’s right. This is what is known as Assertiveness.

The basic prerequisite for being assertive is your decision. Your decision whether you are ready to step on yourself just to please others? Whether you are ready to be bullied? Whether you are ready to lose your self esteem just because you are scared what others will think of you? It is all your decision!!

But if are not ready to be bullied by those who continuously keep shopping for the non assertive individuals, you would need to overcome passivity, fear of criticism, anxiety, insecurity and low self-esteem in your personality.

One needs to be firm. Remaining defensive, apologetic and over polite may prove disastrous for your self esteem and self confidence. You may be sympathetic and empathic but any pressure or any kind of disguised emotions of others should not change your mind. Don’t rear a misguided notion in you that ‘you can do it all and handle everything’. Learn and practice to say “No’. This could be the biggest favour you can do it yourself and to the people who love you.

Don’t live to please others. Nothing is more important than you! Love yourself! Be Assertive!